Aat Chalis Ki Fast Local!

The fast paced Mumbai life is slowly seeping into my system. The work and the travel hardly leaves any time for you to pursue interests. With someone like me, who is into blogging, composing, writing...the upcoming weekends are looked upon with dreamy eyed anticipation. <br><br> The most interesting thing worth blogging though is the Mumbai Local Train service. First thing's first, in Mumbai Local trains are meant for everyone, be it masses or the classes. Initially, I felt awkward having a C-Segment car at home and an AGM tag in my job, to be travelling in a train. But soon I learnt that people having bigger better cars, houses and designation also travel by the Mumbai Local. The reason is simple - "Save Time". The Mumbai Road infrastructure is below pathetic status, and nothing much is happening to improve it. <br><br> That is why, taking a train is always a better bet. For example, I start at Malad (W) and my office is at VT (South Mumbai). In case I take my car to the office, I would spend at least two hours to and fro, but in a train ride(Fast Train), I would take 45 minutes to reach VT. <br><br> This blogpost is not to mention the advantages of travelling by Mumbai Local Train, but rather to talk about the string of strange characters I meet everyday, when I am on it. Before I start though, some useful tips for outsiders like me who would soon need to travel by train. <br><br> <i>Tip # 1: In case your office starts at 10 AM, do not take the 9 AM train, because you will be CRUSHED. Do not take me lightly, because I somehow managed a ride once at 9 AM and almost lost my laptop, glasses, balls...well...almost! Please wake up a little early and take the train before 8 AM. You will still not get a place to sit till Dadar, but you will not get crushed and thrown around. Tip # 2 : Take a little pain and find out the starting train from your region as you will always get a place to sit in a starting train. Also, buy a first class pass(Photograph needed) for the month. These acts will not ensure you guaranteed seating on every ride, but will make train commuting slightly easier.</i> <br><br> But nothing can beat the weird/lovable/irritating/crazy characters that you will meet in the Mumbai Locals. Here's a small effort by me to capture some of these characters through this post: <br><br> Reliance CDMA Raju Bhai: Raju is from UP, and after staying in Mumbai for donkey years, has become bhai instead of bhaiya. He goes from Malad to Dadar to work as a packer and mover at some logistic company. Raju's favourite possession is his CDMA Mobile phone, which has a creaky and annoyingly loud speaker. The moment he climbs up on the train, he puts on these unbearable (Bhojpuri/Hindi songs from B grade Mithun movies) numbers for the rest of the journey. <br><br> Balancing Act Uncles : These nice local uncles are old and have probably been taking the locals for over 20 years. They stand within the train among the maddening crowd and read a "Loksatta" or a "Sakal" nonchalantly. Though it sounds easy, but reading is not child's play in a local train that halt, move and speed up everytime with a jolt. These uncles are also very helpful, and are always ready to tell you the simplest train route in case you ask them. <br><br> Bombay Bully Boys: Ok...these guys are poor replicas of a Sanjay Dutt or Sunil Shetty. Even if the train is empty, they will hang from the train, even if people are getting ready to get down in a civilized way, they will growl up in a hoarse voice : "abey, uttar na...kya jhol macha rakha hai" (Hey, get down...why all this commotion?). Their attitude is completely like that of a movie star in an action sequence, always ready to pounce...at whom...only they know! <br><br> The Madmen: These characters are the saddest ones to watch in the Mumbai locals. These are people who have lost their sanity in the Mumbai madness. They sit in the train, their eyes look blank and they hardly have any destination to go. They look at you and smile, but the next moment their eyes become moist...thinking about the state they are in! <br><br> The Jolly Salesman: You are travelling in the crowded compartment, when you hear a loud, jolly voice..."Gentlemen, you have ulcer, piles, constipation, rashes... say goodbye to them all. With this book written in Hindi, Marathi, Gujarati, you will get remedies for 300 diseases. Rs 10 only. No charges for looking". The dialogues are told with such conviction and confidence, that the average 2nd class crowd soon plucks up all the copies and the jolly salesman has a field day. I think corporate business development people(me included) should learn something from these guys. <br><br> There are many more such characters and I would keep on writing if I can. For example, a Qawwal group kept singing from Churchgate to Malad, a young boy who got separated from his father at Dadar was helped by the local train commuters and handed over to the police. <br><br> <i>All in all, Mumbai locals are a mix of sweat, humanity, hope...all mixed together in a strange smelly paste - called "Daily Rigmarole"</i>